theansweris | PSL 02: Fresh Air

PSL 02: Fresh Air

It took Ed four days, and most of that seemed to be waiting for approval from one office to go to the next office and get approved further along the line. Then they had to give appropriate notice and argue among themselves until it was agreed that it had to proceed, even with the objections from the DA and the GCPD.

The allowed clothing was restricted, but for the court appearance, Oswald was given some of his own clothes back, even if just his shirt, pants and jacket.

The session was mostly reading a list of the charges Oswald had been convicted of and the lawyer using Ed's neatly produced list to cite off why each of those was unsound and would require, at minimum, re-trial with due consideration to the burden of proof and threshold of prosecution.

It was a long, long session. But it ended with the conclusion that the state could not hold Oswald at this interval and thus

"-Mr Cobblepot, it is the finding of this court that your conviction was unsound and thus, you are free to leave this court. This is not a finding of not guilty, nor an absolution of charges, but a legal determination that the burden of proof has not been met."

There were reporters outside, of course. There were also several men in suits by a limo that was ready and waiting to whisk Oswald and his lawyer off.

From there, it was a drive. Out and to the Van Dahl manor, past the gates to keep out intruders and press and there, waiting on the stoop, was Ed, hands laced and a smile on his face as the car pulled up.

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"Oh. Of course. Though it may entail a trip to the Gotham museum, if you're interested in accompanying me some time." Just them and a building of priceless artefacts and Ed doing his best to behave and just study, because he really needs to try and not get locked up again so soon.

Ed glances to the brush of their hands and grasps Oswald's hand in what is definitely a reassuring grip between friends who have gone through a lot of shit. "No more work talk for tonight. Or revenge plotting. Though I'm afraid neither of us has a lot else we can discuss right now except for Blackgate and Arkham. Which aren't the most pleasant topics."

[He studies the shape of Ed's hand, his pianist's fingers, while sucking in a long, trembling breath. And for neither the first time nor the last, he wonders how such blatant hinting on his part could slip under Ed's radar. But Ed's a man of science and logic, he tells himself - and love is messy, crazy, defying sense and self preservation instincts. His heart should know better by now, for all the ways he's been hurt and would be hurt. But it keeps its own time, as Ed told him once. Beats hard and heavy for a man who could go through his whole life never hearing it.]

Actually... there is something I've been meaning to tell you for quite some time. Something that I can no longer silence.

[For a moment it feels like they're standing by his desk again as mayor and chief of staff, his lips parted and his throat bobbing helplessly, unable to get a word out. He looks up, looks for help in Ed's face. It shouldn't be this hard when he already knows what to expect.]

The truth is... is that I care for you, Ed, as more than a friend. I, I love you.

[It's not a declaration like the sort that people in cliched romances shout from the rooftops, but pathetic and small despite months of being locked away, thrashing inside him; he can barely hear himself over his own thundering pulse.]

In fact, I've never stopped -- I couldn't to save my life!

[He barks out a broken laugh, his smile draining from his face.]

I understand if your feelings on the matter have not changed. In fact, I would not expect that they have. You've made it abundantly clear where you stand, and I -- [he chokes, the words scraping his throat like broken glass] -- I've made my peace with that. [Closing his eye.] I just... I thought you should know. And what I also want you to know is that I value the gift of our friendship and I rest easy knowing I have someone at my side who I can trust.

Edited 2019-12-09 05:04 (UTC)

The tragedy of their past: Both of them in love, but never at the same time. At least, not Oswald and Ed. Oswald and Riddler was another matter entirely, but Riddler is waiting to see what Ed does and says.

Because Riddler saw this coming. Ed just felt anxiety, unsure why, before Oswald confessed. Again.

Ed is quiet a moment. He's been with women, but for all his protesting and declarations, he doesn't actually know if he loved any of them. He loved the idea of them, but they didn't haunt him. He didn't spend his every spare moment thinking about them, for better or worse.

"I- don't know what love really is," he finally admits. "I know I told you love is sacrifice, but I don't actually... know that. I was just angry that you took away my chance to be-

"Be-"

What his father had told him he should be and never would be.

The realisation hurts.

"I think I've been trying to be what someone else told me to be," he says quietly.

"The boy finally gets a clue," Riddler crows. "It's always been about pleasing someone who would've rather seen you dead." Riddler turns to Oswald, pushing Ed down while he's too shocked to resist. "He's an idiot, but I'm not. I have even less idea what love is, but you, Oswald, are my obsession."

And from Riddler... that's almost the same.

[He stares, mouth working soundlessly, while hazily processing what Ed is - or rather, was - telling him before the Riddler persona hijacked his body. He's unsure what obsession means for them or for him, or what he should feel other than an anxious trill in his guts - a sensation not unlike the one that follows the barrel of a gun pressing to his back, cocking.]

I want to talk to Ed. [Oswald says, licking his lips, as if it's as simple as putting someone else on the phone.]

"Why?" Riddler leans in closer. "Haven't I always been the one you could rely on? Who made you that origami penguin in Arkham? Who stopped Ed killing you at the dock?" Riddler pushes his glasses up his nose.

[Oswald meets his gaze unflinchingly, his pulse quickening, though his body yields slightly to Riddler's advance on its own. He hasn't moved to free his hand, hasn't tried.]

I get that you two are a package deal, but he was talking to me first. Kinda rude to interrupt, you know?

Riddler pouts.

He might claim it's something else, but it's a distinct pout and will probably be followed up with sulking.

"But... I'm far more charming."

You've got panache - no one's debating that. But right now? I really wouldn't mind chatting with Eddie, even if he can be a little slow up on the uptake... concerning matters of the heart, at least.

[He slides his hand out from under Ed's to fold his arms, glancing aside, a sullen set to his jaw.]

Let's just say that there were several louts behind bars who were "obsessed" with me in their own way. [It's not a direct comparison - he has no reason to believe Riddler would want to terrify and hurt him. But he imagines he'd feel more comfortable exploring emotions around someone about as awkward and anxious as he is in the moment, more on his level than Riddler is.]

Not that I believe that your... intentions for me align with theirs, because I'm more than certain they don't. But I'd rather not think about what I managed to escape.

Riddler recoils, then slides down to one knee in front of Oswald. "I would never- I will visit pain a thousand fold of whatever they did to you-

"Not, now, Riddler."

He glances to the side and then up, gaze softer. Still sharp, but softer. "I'm sorry, we didn't mean to- Neither of us would hurt you these days, not intentionally." He slides up onto the couch again. "I'm sorry, he just got excited and I panicked a bit and-"

And when Ed freaked out, Riddler threw himself to the foreground.

"I have never been loved in my life, Or if I was, no one ever told me that before you. No, I'm okay, really, I can do this. If you let me." He pauses. "Thank you. So, I don't know what love is, just what I saw and read in pop culture."

[Some small but stubbornly resilient part of him expects to be laughed at, to hear an off-colour soap joke reminding him of how small and weak he can be without his guns, his men. But what he gets humbles him; all the support he had needed behind bars, lying in bed and crawling into a far corner of his mind when it was too dark to read, waiting for the hours to pass. He's quiet a while, contemplating Ed with a soft, tired look. His eye gleams as it catches the light.]

Well, I'm hardly a leading authority on romantic love - I've never even been in a relationship. [He chokes out a mocking laugh.] When the only people attempting to seduce you are your own stepsister and Sofia Falcone, it kinda says something. ...And I won't pretend that my reasons for being alone are a mystery to me.

[He sniffs, his lips pinching as he looks Ed over. What his parents offered him is his only frame of reference but it's sad to think Ed may not even know that much.]

I have seen how easy it can be to fall for the illusion of what one imagines love to be like, or the idea of love itself. [A furrow appears between his brows, as if all this is only just occurring to him.] I was so... consumed by my own loneliness, I did not stop to consider whether you truly wanted me at all. I suppose I didn't really care so long as I had someone for myself. ...But you were right. [Swallowing.] Not only that, but I believe that you know more about love than you realize.

[A beat.]

You, Edward Nygma, against every logic-driven fibre of your being, gave up that submarine and the perfect escape to join me in the fight for this city - you made this choice with the knowledge that you might not have come out of it alive. And if that is not love, then... [he tosses his hands helplessly, smiling] ...I guess I have no idea what I'm talking about.

Oswald is not weak without his gun and men. He has killed people with umbrellas, filleting knives and gold clubs. He once beat a man to death with a poker and cut off an ally's hand just to further his own plans. Oswald is many, many things, but weak has never been something Ed or Riddler associate with him.

Ed's sole reference for love was books and tv shows, which wasn't really a healthy way of learning about love. His parents didn't love each other or him. Riddler and he never loved each other, they simply were to one another.

"Oswald... we tried to romance you. Riddler and I. With Chinese and someone who wronged you. It was something we thought we'd enjoy and-" And it had been the first time they both wanted something, even if they didn't really understand what they wanted. "If you'd kissed me that night on the stage of the Sirens, I think we would've kissed you back."

...I had no idea.

[His shoulders soften and he drops his arms, never realizing, as his chest folds in on itself, that it could hurt to know he was enough. That he had been enough to Ed from the start and that he had been so close to having him, to avoiding the violent back and forth that had robbed them both of so much time and energy they'd never get back.]

But I guess it doesn't matter now. [Or so he tells himself, over and over, waiting for the day when it will finally stick and he'll find peace, closure.] I... assume that ship has sailed?

[It's not meant to be a question at all, but his tone just barely makes it one, a cautious, childishly hopeful one, while the rest of him braces for the rejection he's had a long time to try and build himself up against. Still, sensing a gut-stab was coming has never made it hurt any less.]

They could have avoided all the violence and hurt they caused if they weren't both emotionally constipated idiots.

Ed silently reminds Riddler that he didn't really do such a great job with the emotions either before looking up to Oswald, frowning slightly. "No. Of course not. I stayed in Gotham for you. Riddler has never had even the vaguest interest in even befriending anyone else. Ever. When Kristen die- when I killed her, I didn't feel guilty or bad for it and I certainly didn't grieve. Isabella... I was angry you made that decision for me. Lee, Lee was kind. I didn't know what that was. It was hypnotic." Especially after Oswald's mockery. Lee's kindness hadn't been very kind, but it had been more than Ed had ever really known.

He doesn't look at Oswald as he speaks, watching the fire instead. It's easier. "Then you threw yourself on that grenade for me. I knew you'd kill me for, that's nothing, killing's easy for us. You- you were prepared to die for me." And that was something Riddler still didn't understand and Ed struggled to believe, even with the evidence.

[He snorts softly and stares into his lap, still waiting for the knife.]

You're my only friend.

[He says, in a frayed voice, shrugging after a moment as if it's a silly thing to say, a silly thing to want to cry over.] And I'd do it again, in a heartbeat - no regrets.

Ed reaches over, still not looking, so it takes a couple of goes, and wraps his hand over Oswald's again. "Likewise. For both."

The idea of being interested in men, even just romantically, had panicked Ed for a long time. There was a reason Riddler had hoarded that trait for himself, like the anger, like the pride.

"When you were- When I thought I killed you. I grieved. We grieved. I took up drug use just to hallucinate and have a chance to see you, even if it meant risking seeing others."

[He lifts his head, taking in the face that haunted him for years, the gentle, dreamy glow of the fire softening the cut of Ed's cheekbone and jaw.

It has been his dream to rise above being a mere footnote in the city's history to leave an indelible mark, commanding the respect of others if he couldn't be loved by them. But for everything he's done, the good he thinks he has tried to do for Gotham, he has been cursed and challenged at every turn by would-be usurpers to his throne, the thought of his death met with relief, triumph, celebration.

And then there's Ed.

Ed mourning his loss. Ed drugging himself.

It's hard to know what to say to that.

It's a little troubling, how far over the edge Ed had gone. But it's gratifying, too, being missed. Having some power over Ed in the way Ed did over him, his heart so full, so sick with wanting.

Calmly, he holds up a hand to stop him.]

All that is in the past now. There's no need for any of it ever again. [He pauses, trying to gauge Ed's expression. Wondering if he can feel his gaze on his face and if that alone can compel him to look back.] I'm here now... and I have no intentions of leaving, not for a very long time.

Ed who murdered him unable to let go of the chance to have him.

"That was why I flicked you in the head in the Court. I'd been hallucinating you, a lot. I thought-" He shrugs slightly. It's clear what he thought.

There's another pause and then Ed looks back to Oswald, giving a small, tight smile. He doesn't say anything, because the anxiety is churning so high that he feels sick, the anxiety of saying as much as he has, of being convinced that if he tries anything more than this friendship from them, Oswald will leave, or die, or leave and then die. The anxiety of losing what he has. That he'll kill Oswald without meaning to.

[With the hand he hasn't left for Ed to hold onto, a hand that has opened throats and pulled triggers, he reaches for him. It hovers, hesitating, before framing Ed's face like he's glass.]

Shhh. [Stroking his cheek with his thumb, fond.] I get it. [It's not true, not entirely; everyone has their own struggles, their own demons to overcome, and pieces of themselves that stay hidden, sometimes forever. But he hopes to offer some comfort, if nothing else. To help Ed sort out whatever needs sorting out in this moment so all can be made right again, or as close to right as they will ever know.] But I think it's time we try to leave the scars of our past where they belong.

[Smiling faintly.]

We're free men... and together, nothing will stand in our way.

[He says it like a promise, meaning to seal it with a kiss pressed to Ed's forehead, if he'll have it; no precision needed.]

Ed's gone very pale with the anxiety and encroaching panic attack. Oswald's words draw a vaguely hysterical giggle, but the kiss to his forehead stops that.

He shudders and gives a small huff. "I'm sorry. He was going to meltdown." Riddler looks up and presses his face shamelessly into Oswald's hand on his cheek. "Do it again. For me."

[Oswald draws back, his smile falling.]

I didn't-- I thought-- [He stumbles over words, the thought left dangling, unfinished, between them; he scrubs a hand down his face, keeping it clasped over his mouth a moment. There's the stab he was expecting, at last, with a bitter twist of regret. He huffs a sick little laugh and nods to himself, pushing his tongue up against the inside of his cheek.

It isn't Ed's fault. It's not his fault Oswald can't seem to shake all his broken expectations, let them go, even if all they ever do is cut him open again.]

It doesn't matter.

[He musters a brittle smile, unsure who between them he's trying harder to convince.]

I should probably be getting to bed anyway... and there's that music box of yours you wanted to work on.

Riddler looks vaguely outraged that Ed got a kiss, but he didn't. "What, he gets affection and I don't? I've done everything I can for you, every step of the way, and just because he has a minor meltdown about the fact that our scars from the past include literal scars and a split personality disorder among other things, you're going to cut me out?! Oh no, no, this does not happen again, Oswald!"

Fast, fast than even he expects, he snatches up the knife on the carving board, but he doesn't point it at Oswald. He slides it so the point is digging into his own knee.

"You don't get to pick and choose between us. You don't get to care about him and not me or I will carve him up, Oswald! You don't get to only love him!"

[A flash of metal floods him with terror-fueled adrenaline and he scoots backwards, jerking both his hands up in surrender.]

Wait -- [Unconsciously ducking his head.] Don't.

[Squeezing his eye shut, he dares to give his mind a moment to catch up with the vicious turn their exchange has taken, grasping for the right thing to tell an equally desperate man wielding a knife.]

You're right. [He says, finally, air rattling softly in his throat.] You and Ed are inseparable, two faces of the same coin, and I accept that. Yes, I'll admit it, perhaps I wasn't fully aware of the circumstances when I first had feelings for you - how could I be? But in spite of everything we have seen and we have been through, I'm still here. I am letting you stay in my home.

[With an edge in his voice:] I'm the only one who sees you and appreciates you for who you truly are, and you know it!

[His chest heaves, a muscle working in his jaw. He wills himself to keep his gaze locked on him, fighting to keep it from shifting, from seeking an out he seldom found in prison.]

I know I am guilty of many things. [He continues, softer.] I have hurt him. Both of you. And the truth is, I cannot promise that it'll never happen again. But right now, I do have a choice. And in light of Ed's... [his lashes flicker] trauma and obvious discomfort, I cannot... [He straightens up. Tries again.] ...I will not take advantage of him.

[A tic pulls at the corner of his mouth, his face screwing up before he's able to rein himself in and school his expression back into something only slightly more neutral.]

For years - years, Ed! - the question of what my life might have been like had you never met that airheaded honeypot and come home to me instead has eaten me alive! All I wanted was for someone to hold me like you held her, and to know what it was like to feel wanted.

[Beat.]

And then, for Sofia to humiliate me, and to watch you find something in Lee I clearly couldn't give you --

[A shudder runs through his lungs, cuts him off. His eye stings wet.]

...I don't even know what I was expecting, from anyone. [Riddler becomes a blurry smudge of colours in his vision.] I don't know why I bothered. But it doesn't matter; nothing I wanted matters if Ed wants nothing to do with it. If he cannot or does not consent to something we are doing with you at the helm, then what are we doing? After where I just came from, I don't need to tell you what that sounds like.

[His jaw aches. He tastes salt, but he resists wiping aside the tickly-wetness crawling down his face and holds his pose.]

I refuse to pit you against each other, more than you already are, over a kiss. I want you both on the same page; a full commitment. But unless Ed is seeking more than my friendship - which, clearly, he is not - then you and I are just going have to make room for disappointment.

[Slowly, he starts to lower his hands, his brow pinching.]

But I am still your friend -- [his voice cracks around the word] -- that doesn't change. And if you still care for me at all, then I am begging you, please: put the knife down.

[A beat passes, and he opens his arms just as slowly, feeling a sharp swooping in his belly as he holds them out, placing his faith in the idea that a hug is all that he's inviting.]

Edited 2019-12-10 22:25 (UTC)

Riddler's fury and frustration simmers down as quickly as it flares, listening to Oswald and the knife lowering from his knee. "No! Not me, him. Every stupid decision he made about those women was nothing to do with me- Shut up, Ed, I'm not going to hurt him, that's your specialty!"

The more agitated either of them gets, the worse the schizophrenia aspect of their illness shows and neither of them is really particularly calm right now.

But-

The knife is relinquished to fall to the thick rug and after another moment of hesitation, they slide forward and into the embrace, using the advantage of leaning and being seated to tuck in against Oswald, rather than letting him tuck in against them.

"He knows he's going to kill you. Or you'll leave him. Or die. Or all of that. Shut up, Ed, you're an idiot, I'm fixing your mess again. He's not unwilling. He's a basketcase. There's a difference." All mumbled into Oswald's collarbones before Riddler lifts his head, brushing their cheeks together and trying to steal a light kiss from Oswald's mouth.

[He stares, stricken, his heart still trying to punch its way out of his chest when the knife drops and Ed leans into him. He blinks wet, already circling an arm around him as he pulls himself into Oswald's trembling body. But it's too soon to feel more than a trickle of relief, to relax again - and he's still reeling from the emotional whiplash when Ed's mouth presses to his, jacking a fresh wave of adrenaline through him. He makes a little noise in his throat - a sort of mewling, half-hearted protest - and locks up, too stunned to move or to breathe, to make this something they're doing together rather than something done to him. And then, it's over. A warm tingliness on his lips when he pulls back and searches Ed's face like he's someone else, someone he doesn't recognize.

It takes him a moment to get his voice to work.]

Ed...? [He rasps, cautiously.]

"... still freaking out," Riddler admits after a breath. "Probably knows more about kissing, as well. He doesn't object to this. Us. Anyway, I never got a say about his terrible women, why can't I have this with you even if he is a useless headjob about life?"

Riddler shuffles in, kissing Oswald's lower lip softly, pleadingly. "Anyway, he got a kiss. Why shouldn't I?"

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