[He studies the shape of Ed's hand, his pianist's fingers, while sucking in a long, trembling breath. And for neither the first time nor the last, he wonders how such blatant hinting on his part could slip under Ed's radar. But Ed's a man of science and logic, he tells himself - and love is messy, crazy, defying sense and self preservation instincts. His heart should know better by now, for all the ways he's been hurt and would be hurt. But it keeps its own time, as Ed told him once. Beats hard and heavy for a man who could go through his whole life never hearing it.]
Actually... there is something I've been meaning to tell you for quite some time. Something that I can no longer silence.
[For a moment it feels like they're standing by his desk again as mayor and chief of staff, his lips parted and his throat bobbing helplessly, unable to get a word out. He looks up, looks for help in Ed's face. It shouldn't be this hard when he already knows what to expect.]
The truth is... is that I care for you, Ed, as more than a friend. I, I love you.
[It's not a declaration like the sort that people in cliched romances shout from the rooftops, but pathetic and small despite months of being locked away, thrashing inside him; he can barely hear himself over his own thundering pulse.]
In fact, I've never stopped -- I couldn't to save my life!
[He barks out a broken laugh, his smile draining from his face.]
I understand if your feelings on the matter have not changed. In fact, I would not expect that they have. You've made it abundantly clear where you stand, and I -- [he chokes, the words scraping his throat like broken glass] -- I've made my peace with that. [Closing his eye.] I just... I thought you should know. And what I also want you to know is that I value the gift of our friendship and I rest easy knowing I have someone at my side who I can trust.
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2019-12-09 05:01 am (UTC)Actually... there is something I've been meaning to tell you for quite some time. Something that I can no longer silence.
[For a moment it feels like they're standing by his desk again as mayor and chief of staff, his lips parted and his throat bobbing helplessly, unable to get a word out. He looks up, looks for help in Ed's face. It shouldn't be this hard when he already knows what to expect.]
The truth is... is that I care for you, Ed, as more than a friend. I, I love you.
[It's not a declaration like the sort that people in cliched romances shout from the rooftops, but pathetic and small despite months of being locked away, thrashing inside him; he can barely hear himself over his own thundering pulse.]
In fact, I've never stopped -- I couldn't to save my life!
[He barks out a broken laugh, his smile draining from his face.]
I understand if your feelings on the matter have not changed. In fact, I would not expect that they have. You've made it abundantly clear where you stand, and I -- [he chokes, the words scraping his throat like broken glass] -- I've made my peace with that. [Closing his eye.] I just... I thought you should know. And what I also want you to know is that I value the gift of our friendship and I rest easy knowing I have someone at my side who I can trust.